frustration day, aka How I flipped out over no tea & a freezing house.
Last week I shared a post on my Instagram account. It was Frustration Day, in short.
After the office plus some freelance work, I was desperate to head home quickly, have a cup of tea and detox. My perfect plan went astray very soon, though, because our place – which is not really ours, anyway – is not perfectly insulated. In fact, I get home almost every day to a freezing bunker, something like 9°C upstairs and 12°C downstairs. Just lovely!
Frustration Day was no exception. I did my best to turn on the pellet stove + start a fire in the fireplace right away, coat and cap still on. Except, not only did this operation take a full hour but, by the time I thought I was done, it had got unbelievably late and the goddamn fire had died down too. No tea, no detox, only… frustration.
All of a sudden something got me and I lost it (I’ll admit there was mild shouting as I stood helpless in the empty house). My anger spared nothing and no-one, from the structure of our house, the cold itself, to vague memories of dealing with freezing rooms.
frustration LED TO ISSUES OF MONEY AND SELF-WORTH.
Association after association, my Mind unlocked a history of having to cope with less than ideal material abundance. In the midst of angry remarks and complaining, I started wondering about the types of poor, inherited patterns that I have made mine.
I came face to face with issues of deserving and money, pride and openness to receive, ultimately self-worth. All of them entangled since I can remember. They run in my family, at least one side of it, and have determined my everyday choices. They constitute what I attract or, better still, what I think I deserve to attract, what I unconsciously block out.
Including fully functioning houses or the lack of them.
With the venting still in progress, I got hit by waves of harsh reality. Still, THE REALITY OF THINGS. Which is great, because it meant I could actually see one of my truths for the very first time. Accepting my frustration was key in this respect.
Take responsibility for your life= call each demon by its name.
Taking responsibility for your life: it pops up in almost every self-help article and yet, there is no truer recommendation in my opinion.
Of course, it can sound rubbish to those who are new to this self-work wave. However, it becomes sort of second nature if you have been doing your homework for as long as I have. You must know that it takes time and patience to prepare you. To eventually unfold the smaller truths that make up the bigger truth of who you really are. It takes years, decades even.
I have been digging deep into my Being in order to get to a place where I am able to thank frustration or anger so that I can access wild, liberating facts about myself and my surroundings. I want to face them, call them by their uncomfortable names.
frustration and recognition: What next?
As I see it, once I recognize patterns that affect my life, two roads simultaneously open up for me. One makes me immediately ready to decide more wisely, act differently. In this specific case of self-worth, I intend to demand more, more firmly & receive accordingly. The other road connects me to the Universe, records this breakthrough of mine and sets new types of energy into motion. This will bring about change, as I have been lucky enough to witness in the past until recently.