Quick reminder: you don’t need somebody else’s version of happiness.
What you see on Instagram or read on lifestyle blogs is not your happiness, nor should it become your next goal.
Just follow your intuition, follow your heart’s desires, breath deeply in and out. Count your blessings and move forward towards what makes you feel ecstatic!
If you chase after something that is not yours you will keep feeling that awkwardness inside, it will never become truly doable and it will never not feel like the wrong thing to do.